Printed Paper Napkins

I hate ’em.  Hate ’em, I tell you.  (Repeated for emphasis.)

Yes, yes, I’m talking about those paper napkins printed on one side with a pretty picture or something seasonal or some stupid saying.

My wife didn’t use them at the Thanksgiving table, but there they were, in a basket, next to the hors d’ouevres and other munchies on the counter.  And there they were, sitting under someone’s drink.

I’m sure she thinks they’re fun and decorative.  But all I want to do with them is wipe my mouth, and I can’t because they’re not absorbent in the least.  What good is a slick napkin?  Huh?  You have to fold them inside out to the unprinted side to make them at all useful, and I am damned sick of it.  Damned sick of it.  (Repeated and italicized for emphasis.)

And I would tell her that in no uncertain terms.  But she’d kick my ass from one end of the house to the other.  Kick my ass.  (Repeated, italicized and underlined for no-doubt-about-it, take-it-to-the-bank, this-is-a-mortal-lock emphasis.)

So I’m telling you instead. 

So there.


About Gerry

I've been covering Connecticut news and sports since 1974. I know, I don't look that old.
This entry was posted in Diatribes, It's all about me, Noticed and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Printed Paper Napkins

  1. Keisha says:

    I’m telling on you!!
    I can’t wait until I see the lovely Mrs. Brooks again to share this little napkin rant. I might even add my own two cents..ya know just for a lil extra drama. Hahaha!!!!!

  2. Doug says:

    Note to self: cross off xmas list the NBC Connecticut Gerry Brooks holiday napkins for gerry…

  3. Beckie says:

    Agreed!!! They don’t absorb anything. They may be good under a drink, but that’s about it. I don’t use them….ever. But my mother and aunt are fanatical about having them for the appropriate holiday or birthday. I hosted Thanksgiving about 5 yrs. ago and they insisted I should have them. Ya know what? I STILL have them! We don’t use them and very few used them on that Thanksgiving. I should just throw them out, but it seems so wasteful.

  4. Wendy says:

    Well, Gerry, I feel much better knowing all that isn’t festering inside causing you an ulcer, acid reflux, a headache, or all of the above. I’ll sleep better tonight now…..
    Hope Keisha follows through with her idea. Love it!

    • Gerry says:

      Wendy, I understand news anchors are supposed to be without bias on important issues like this, but sometimes, dammit, you just have to rise and take a stand.

      • Wendy says:

        I applaud your having the courage of your convictions, even if Mrs. Brooks might, ummm….well….you know….move your derriere with her foot from one end of the house to the other once she finds out.

      • Gerry says:

        Courage? Conviction? Qu’est-ce que c’est?

  5. Cat says:

    Gee Gerry,
    Sounds like, that’s your story and your sticking to it….. 😦
    For what it’s worth, the paper plates that go along with those decorative napkins,,, not so good either, food flies quite far off those pretty little things and land’s in the strangest places :0
    Despite the napkins, I’m sure the Mrs made a lovely Thanksgiving for you.
    * I’m with Keisha :p

  6. Li'l Em-Kel says:

    Uh, Gerry, maybe with that kind of attitude, uh, maybe next time you shouldn’t be, uh . . . shouldn’t be the one to actually carve the turkey, y’know? I mean, with that knife and all. See what I’m getting at?

  7. Sorry, I’m with your wife on this one. I’ve got a collection of ’em myself. In fact, just the other day I picked up the CUTEST little pack of napkins at the Wadsworth gift shop. White and blank, except for a big, artsy, gold frame printed around all four sides so you can draw your own masterpiece on the napkin! I love ’em. I LOVE ‘EM. (You should get some for your wife, she’ll love ’em, too – might just save your ass!)

  8. Speaking of ” saving your ass.”

    Maybe things have changed since I lived there, but when I was in England, the “napkins ” in the bathroom had the absorbing qualities of wax paper. I loved almost everything about the U.K. If only I didn’t have to use those loos.

  9. Linda says:

    What’s going on at NBC30? This morning, Bob Maxon had a nice little rant about people driving under the speed limit in the left (passing) lane and braking to look at something on the other side of the highway. I sure hope the wives of NBC30 appreciate the fact that their husbands get to relieve their frustrations in places other than home! Luckily for us, you release your angst in fun and entertaining ways. I happen to agree with both you and Bob. I used to buy the “pretty” napkins, until I realized they were useless. I don’t like to waste my money. And today’s drivers…….I’ll be nice and keep my mouth shut!

  10. Mary says:

    Wow, doesn’t take much to push your buttons, there has to be something else your substituting for the napkins Gerry. The poor Misses works so hard to make a nice presentation…………….. Shame on you .

  11. Graham says:

    Does your wife read this blog? Hope not for your sake………

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