Sucked In

There are two reasons I patronize my local hardware store instead of the big boys like Home Depot and Lowe’s.  I want to support the hometown business.  But I can also walk in, say “I need a light bulb,” and walk out with a light bulb.

When I walk into Home Depot for a light bulb, I leave with the light bulb.  And batteries.  And a hacksaw.  And duct tape.  And whatever else that may strike my fancy.  Except power tools.  I don’t do power tools.  I do look at them though, just for the testosterone rush.

Home Depot sucks you in.  And I’ve just discovered that Cabela’s does the same thing.  I don’t hunt, I rarely fish, and camping to me is a hotel without 24-hour room service.  But I needed something that I knew Cabela’s would have, so in I marched.

I marveled at all the dead animals and the things you kill them with.  (No, I’m not anti-hunting.)  I ogled the dozens of rods and reels, and the hundreds of lures you tie at the end of the line to haul in “the big one.”

By the time I finally wandered in to the department I was looking for, the testosterone rush had lowered my voice 4 octaves.  Hair was growing out of my eyeballs.  I looked around as I spit and scratched.  But then, in the blink of a hairy eye, my manly moment was over.

There was too much choice.  There was 100 of what I was looking for.  Too many brands, too many styles, too many colors.  A chat with the clerk only complicated matters.  The man turned into a mouse, and scampered away.  I need to regroup.  I need to go back.  And I will.

With my wife.


About Gerry

I've been covering Connecticut news and sports since 1974. I know, I don't look that old.
This entry was posted in Diatribes, It's all about me, Noticed and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Sucked In

  1. Linda says:

    Now you have us all wondering what could possibly bring down a manly man such as yourself. But it is so true – behind every great man, is a greater woman.

  2. Cat says:

    You made my morning with this one…
    I do enjoy, once in a very blue moon, to walk the departments, mostly the power tools, the more power, the more excited I get, just like Tim Taylor . At times, I am curious enough to actually purchase whatever has caught my eye. Now, living on the beach, surrounded by sand, I’m not quite sure why I have this heavy duty gas powered chain saw, but hey, you never know…

  3. Mary says:

    We do simplfy things for you men don’t we. My husbands complains about the amount of catalogs we girls get in the mail, but if we have to bring home one more flyer on riding lawn mowers from Home Depot, Lowes and the local equipment store, I’ll scream. I remember when he use to look at me like he looks at those flyers. Cabela’s is certainly a well stocked store, I’ve heard they have unbelievable deals in their returns department. Happy shopping to you and the Mrs.

  4. The only power tool I have is my battery operated toothbrush. Not that I’m not an unmanly man ( Excuse me as I launch this chewing tobacco juice into the spitoon ). Still, I felt more comfortable going to Lowe’s when it was a movie theater chain. And Home Depot scares me. All that stuff on the shelves makes me think of what they used during the Spanish Inquisition to make folks talk. I swear I saw a waterboard for sale in the lumber department.

  5. Li'l Em-Kel says:

    Since the first of the year I have acquired a compound-miter chop saw, a jig saw, a router, a 10,000-rpm grinder with a variety of disks, three cordless drills (one a right angle model), a volt-amp-ohm meter, a compressor, a generator (hurricanes, you know), a shop-vac, C-clamps, bench clamps, and special hooked blades for my box cutter to remove worn grips from my golf clubs.

    I am a man. Do you hear me? A MAN.

  6. Li'l Em-Kel says:

    Thirty-grit sandpaper.

  7. Linda says:

    Li’l Em-Kel – your comments are priceless. Have you and Gerry seen the new Old Spice commercials? You’d fit right in.

  8. Pat says:

    Funny, stores like Home Depot have the exact opposite effect on me. My primary goal when entering HD is to get out, right after I get what I need. The local hardware store actually ends up being the place where I buy the nice-to-haves in addition to the lowly light bulb or 1/4-20 x 3/4 black oxide SHCS. Dunno, something about the big box stores that give me the heebie-jeebies. I’d rather go to the dentist or have that colonoscopy I’ve been putting off.

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