Staring at the Enemy

That’s how I felt every time I looked down at my driver for the last several weeks.  As it lay there, directly behind the ball on the tee, we would have a silent conversation.

“How are you going to screw me this time?”

“Take a swing and find out.”

Sometimes it was a line drive left into the woods.  Sometimes a pop up that just cleared the women’s tee. 

What happened?  We’d been getting along so well.  And then, without warning, it turned on me.  The last straw was last Saturday.  I played miserably.  On the other hand, I was paired with a liquor distributor who had a fully stocked cart.  I seldom drink when I play, but under the circumstances…

That night, I went down to the basement and pulled an old driver from a bag.  I waggled it a time or two.

“Are you rescuing me from purgatory?”


“Please, give me a chance.  Let me see sunlight again.”

“Why not.”

I opened my trunk, reached into my bag and removed the offending stick.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“You’re killing me.  You’re outta here.”

“Not to the basement!”

“Have a good rest.”

When I watch the Big Dogs tee it up this week at the Travelers Championship in Cromwell, I’ll wonder whether the likes of Kenny the Elder and Rickie the Younger talk to their clubs when they’re not talking to their swing coaches, putting gurus, and sports shrinks.

I’ll bet they do.

It’s a head game.




About Gerry

I've been covering Connecticut news and sports since 1974. I know, I don't look that old.
This entry was posted in It's all about me, Sports, Toys and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Staring at the Enemy

  1. sharbeth says:

    Ok, let me get this straight, you are talking to an golf club? The first thing that comes to my mind about that is an old (ok so all of them are old), Jackie Gleason Honeymooners Show where Art Carney was teaching Jackie Gleason how to golf and what he would first need to do is address the ball. So, Art Carney goes ‘Hello ball’.

  2. Mike says:


    Great story. I can relate.

    I never thought I talked to my clubs but in my pre-shot routine I actually do. My second to the last thought is “relax” as I am looking at the club and then I focus on the ball and think “head still, straight back”.

    That “relax” thought is to let the club know not to stiffen up and if it does’t work there is usually a beer nearby from which I gladly give my club a little swig. That seems to do the trick.

    So have you played with the “new” driver in your bag yet? How did it turn out?


    • Gerry says:

      Welcome, Mike. My “new” driver put me back in the game. Not quite as long, but I’ll sacrifice some length for accuracy. I’m almost back to putting the “m” in mediocrity. And thanks for the tip on sharing refreshments with the club.

  3. Steve says:

    The putter is the mouthy one in my bag. Just won’t listen to reason.

  4. Gerry's Mentor says:

    Once again, this is why I don’t golf.

  5. Mary says:

    This is the exact reason I tell my husband I won’t learn to golf, I have enough crazy in my life. It may be good physical exersize, but mentally not so good. Maybe you weren’t drinking the right beverage Gerry. Like with every sport there are good and bad days, I’m sure you next outing will be one for the ages.

  6. Threw my driver away years ago…a 1980’s small head Cobra three wood hit’s it straight down the middle 90 percent of the time at an average of 220 yards.

    Also got rid of my 3 and 4 irons!

    Handicap went from 23 to 18.

    Less IS better.

  7. graham says:

    Forget the basement………..this is why they put lakes and ponds on golf courses!

  8. Jim says:

    A Chain…the furnace, and offending drivers AND putters. They’ll learn their lessons or they’ll never see the light of day again. I’ve got a celler full of offenders !!

  9. Steve says:

    I think I see the problem here. You have to treat the #1 Metal like a driver in NYC. Speak to it in a foreign language.

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