Fallon Funnies

Every week the NBC public relations folks put out a list called “Quotables from Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.”  It used to be called “Quotables from Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” but…umm…well…you know.

I’ve edited down the current list to a manageable number.  I thought you might find a smile or two in here while you dry out from the flooding.  Or whatever you’re drying out from.

——–

“Did any of you watch the health care vote live on C-SPAN last night? I’m gonna go out on a limb – single?”

“On the Golf Channel, Tiger said that he and his wife Elin are working on their marriage. Yeah, that Elin has a lot of work to do.”

“Finally, there’s a new pill for teenagers to take during puberty that helps boost their memory. ‘Cause if there’s one period in life guys wanna remember, it’s the three years when your face was covered in pimples and the closest you got to a girl was saving the princess in Super Mario Brothers.”

“Joe Biden actually got himself into a little bit of trouble, did you hear about that? Apparently it sounded like Biden said to President Obama, “This is a big Effing deal.” In response, NBC picked Biden to host the brand new show, “Big Effing Deal or No Big Effing Deal.”

“This is pretty interesting. Hawaii wants to be the location for President Obama’s presidential library, because that’s where he was born and raised. But really, when you go to Hawaii, the first thought that comes to your mind is, “I gotta hit the library.”

“Listen to this. A girl in New York whose parents were on “Wife Swap” is suing the show for 100 million dollars for making her look like a spoiled brat. Note to girl: guess what else makes you look like a spoiled brat? Being 15 and suing for a hundred million dollars.”

“How are you guys feeling tonight? Do you guys watch “Jersey Shore?” Well, listen to this, “Jersey Shore” is premiering in 30 different countries this week. Yeah, it’ll be shown in France. Except in France it’s called, “Another Reason To Hate America.”

“Jersey Shore” is also premiering in Italy this week. The nickname “The Situation” will not be translated. But Snooki will be known as “Orangina.”

“Oh, this is big. Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas were all on American Idol tonight. I tried watching it, but my Tivo just stopped it in the middle and said, “Dude, you’re 35.”

“Hey, you guys heard about Joe Biden’s “F-bomb” comment about health care? Well, turns out President Obama said he liked it, then Biden said, “If you thought it was so good, why didn’t YOU say it?” And Obama was like, “Cuz I’m not a f*cking idiot.”

“Hey, AT&T is selling a new adapter for the iPhone that connects to your router and lets you make calls with your Internet connection. In response, my grandmother smiled politely and offered me a peppermint.”

“This is crazy. A seventh-grade teacher in California was arrested for teaching while drunk. Which is why an entire Earth Science class now thinks hurricanes are formed when rum collides with lime juice, passion fruit, and crushed ice in a hot pink souvenir cup from Senor Frogs.”

“There’s a new dating website that lets men pay women to play video games with them on the Internet. It’s called GameCrush – but you may know it by its other name, “the saddest thing ever.”

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About Gerry

I've been covering Connecticut news and sports since 1974. I know, I don't look that old.
This entry was posted in Noticed, TV Stuff and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Fallon Funnies

  1. Doug says:

    Nice… Is there a gong I can hit somewhere?

  2. Kathryn D. says:

    Thank you for that post. I enjoyed it very much.

    Jimmy is very funny and is quite talented. My favorites are his take off of the “Housewives of Late Nite”, and his Friday night thank you notes. His house band, the Roots from Philadelphia are awesome. However, I miss Conan! Too bad they could not have worked out some kind of rotation schedule to appear after Jay! I realize my thoughts and ideas must seem silly. Jimmy is a real gem, though. Lorne Michaels possesses a great eye for talent. (Jimmy actually filled in for Dave Letterman when he was ill several years ago and he was very good.)

    Thank you.

  3. AParm says:

    You rock dude.

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