Damn Deer

Maybe the hostas were the appetizer, the black-eyed Susans the main course, and the day lilies dessert.

Hardly a perennial flower in sight.  The deer got ’em all.

Bambi, you say?  Screw Bambi.

Twice I came home from work last week to find Bambi in the driveway, munching on the flora.


"You lookin' at me?"

"You lookin' at me?"

“SCRAM,” I screamed.  

“Do you mind?  I’m not done eating,” said she.

“Get going, or I’ll get my gun,” I threatened.

“Who are you kidding?  You don’t have a gun,” she mocked.

I edged the car closer and closer.  She looked right at me through the windshield.

“Don’t make me kick out your headlights.”

She plucked a final lily off its stem, licked her hooves clean, belched, and walked away with a Schwarzeneggerian look that said, “I’ll be back.”

Damn deer. 


About Gerry

I've been covering Connecticut news and sports since 1974. I know, I don't look that old.
This entry was posted in It's all about me, Noticed and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Damn Deer

  1. Dan McCarthy says:

    Pretty much anything will get a laugh out of me, but to do it while staying completely clean is a feat which demands respect. Kudos, Mr. Brooks!

  2. I love to spot deer, but I have mixed feelings about the beasts. They’re nature’s most incorrigible jayrunners. As I was driving home from Avon one night I ran into…

    Strike that. The deer’s lawyer is still on the case. I need to be careful of what I say about this ” accident. ”

    One ran into my car as I cruised down a dark road in Suffield. I didn’t even have time to hit the brake. The deer came through the passenger side window, at least his head did. I’ll never forget the sound. When I drive at night, that memory haunts me. Call it PTSDeer.

    Be careful backing out of your driveway.

  3. Jerry says:

    Ger, if it’s just deer, count your blessings. I’ve got deer, who eat everything, bunnies who love my Black-eyed Susans, groundhogs who’ll clear out a garden in a week, birds eating all the rasberries and leaving purple deposits on your auto, and then our favorites. Mr Fox who likes bunnies, Mr Coyote who dines on groundhogs, and the Resident Hawk, takes care of small rodents & birds. Now, if I could just find my gun.

  4. Li'l Em-Kel says:

    Terry, I remember that incident. As I recall, your comment at the time was, “The buck stops here.”

    Gerry, sprinkle moth balls (NOT the unscented kind) in the affected area and call me in the morning. Good luck.

  5. As I recall, Li’l em, the other kind of bucks also stopped shortly after my interaction with the deer. It was kind of an omen. The agency we worked for had just merged with that agency in Avon. That merger, that collision of corporate cultures, was, in many ways, more violent than the one with that jayrunning animal. I left the agency soon after the crash.

  6. Graham says:

    Send the deer to my house. I need someone to eat the underbrush and foliage off the hill.

  7. Janet A. says:

    I’ve been told that coyote urine can be used to deter deer….

    • Gerry says:

      Janet, we have sprayed some foul-smelling stuff, but all the rain this year kept washing it off. Whether it was coyote urine, I do not know. (Who the hell bottles coyote urine??)

      • Janet A. says:

        Apparently somebody bottles it – and many other types. There is a brand called “PredatorPee” – web site is (what else?) http://www.predatorpee.com – and they offer Free Shipping to Street Addresses in ALL 50 States! Questions about PredatorPee?
        ask-the-peeman@predatorpee.com (that last was copied directly from their web site, and I will understand if this does not make it into the Comments)

  8. I’m sure Coca Cola at some point considered bottling it I’ve tasted Moxie. It tastes like some kind of animal urine; that might be it. And I think Guinness might work. Somebody offers me one of those, I run like a rabbit chased by a hound.

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